So…I had this interesting idea last night. I think I may be on to something new and original, and I even came up with a commercial for it. Now, keep in mind that I have no experience in writing commercials, but I think you’ll get the concept fairly easily.
Two men are walking into a hospital. One man is carrying flowers, while the other is bleeding profusely, his arm wrapped in a towel.
(Flower Man): Hey buddy…what do you have going on there?
(Bleeder): Tree trimming accident…just about took off my hand.
(Flower Man): Hey…you probably need a surgeon…right? Check out this new app I loaded on my phone. It’s called “Vunder”. Actually…it used to be called “Vunder Surgeon”, but they had to change the name. Some kind of legal issue.
(Bleeder): What does it do?
(Flower Man): It’s really neat. I just hit the icon, and a surgeon shows up, ready to go.
(Bleeder): No kidding. You don’t have to call or make an appointment? He just shows up?
(Flower Man): Here…let me get the door for you. Man! You sure are bleeding there buddy. Why don’t you lean against the wall for a minute. See…here’s the beauty of this app. There is no planning, no second opinion. You just hit the icon and they give you the time he’ll show up. They’re pretty quick. You’d be surprised how many surgeons there are just roaming around out there.
(Bleeder): What about qualifications? How do you know how good the surgeon is? And does this “Vunder” have malpractice insurance?
(Flower man): That’s the beauty of it. “Vunder” takes care of everything. They make sure the surgeon has all the proper paperwork.
(Bleeder): How do they verify it?
(Flower man): That’s what the paperwork is for. It shows that the doctor has credentials and is insured.
(Bleeder): But I can make credentials on my home computer. Does this “Vunder” have any sort of coverage in case the doctor screws up?
(Flower man): I don’t think so. They aren’t doing the surgery. They are just the app. Here…why don’t I call a surgeon for you. I’ll show you how cool this is.
(Bleeder): Great, thanks. And could you hurry. Things are getting a little blurry.
(Flower Man): Sure…no problem. You know…all my friends like the app because they don’t have time to waste going in for consultations. We’re in a rush rush world, and the sooner we can get things done, the quicker we’re back at work, or messing around at the gym. Seems like a…hey…are you still with me?
(Bleeder): Yeah…(now whispering)…I’m here. I’m still concerned about this surgeon thing. How do I know that I won’t die on the table?
(Flower Man): That’s the other beauty of this thing. YOU DON’T! They are very clear in their philosophy. They are going to send you a cheap surgeon quickly. If you want quality, the app is not for you.
(Bleeder): Huh? Why didn’t you tell me this at the start? (the bleeder is trying to keep his footing as the blood pools on the floor around him). I certainly don’t want some unqualified, uninsured HACK putting my arm back together. Grandma..? Is that you Grandma?
Flower Man): Relax pal. The app says your surgeon will be here in five minutes. BUT…since it’s Saturday afternoon…you are now going to have to pay a little more for his services. They call it “surge pricing”.
(Bleeder): How much *slip* more could it *slip* possibly be?
(Flower Man): Well…here…let me help you off the floor…you won’t know until the bill comes. But don’t worry. Whatever it is…it’s got to be better than going to a regular surgeon and dealing with all that other nonsense…right?
(Bleeder): But wait…aren’t their surgeons in here (points into hospital lobby, and then faints).
Fade to black
Scene changes to recovery room. Bleeder is now resting comfortably in a hospital bed, with a nurse attending to his bandaged arm. Flower Man taps lightly on the door, and then enters.
(Flower man): So buddy. Thought I’d come up and check on you. Close call with all that blood pouring out of you. Good thing we had “Vunder”.
(Bleeder – somewhat labored): Yeah…nurse…where is that surgeon?
(Nurse): Oh…he had to leave. Another call. You know…these “Vunder” surgeons are always hustling. But he seems to have stopped your bleeding. (Nurse holds up bandaged arm). Hmmmm…I think (scratching her chin)…nevermind. (She sets Bleeders arm down and exits the room).
(Flower Man): So…what do you think of the app? Saved your life.
(Bleeder – looking at his bandaged arm): I guess…HEY! Wait a minute! Why is this thumb facing the wrong direction?
(Flower man): Well…that’s odd. I’ll look at the user agreement. I wonder what they say about that?
(Bleeder): I need to call someone. They need to fix this.
(Flower Man): Yeah…I don’t know. You see…they really don’t have an office to call. But you can send them an email to rate your surgeon. Maybe mention that he put your arm on wrong…or something.
(Bleeder): Come closer, so I can hit you.
Well…what do you think? I envision and entire medical line of “Vunder Doc”, “Vunder Dentist”, and “Vunder Anesthesiologist”, to name a few. I just “Vunder” why it took so long for me to think of this!
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